


Shining Like A Lighthouse From The Sea

by kinksock22



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: 69 (Sex Position), Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Jared, Deepthroating, Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Hopeful Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Light Angst, M/M, Oral Sex, Panic Attacks, RPS - Freeform, Rimming, Self-Esteem Issues, Spanking, Top Jensen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-22
Updated: 2018-05-22
Packaged: 2019-05-10 01:14:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14727161
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinksock22/pseuds/kinksock22
Summary: Jared makes the mistake of reading through the twitter posts after JIB. Thankfully Jensen is there, as always.





	Shining Like A Lighthouse From The Sea

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deals with the drama from JIB, the ‘fans’ that took to social media to say horrible, hurtful things to and about Jared. It also deals with Jared’s depression and anxiety, so there’s a trigger warning in effect. If you’re a part of that side of fandom or you don’t agree that Jared was treated terribly and unfairly, walk away now. I’ll accept constructive criticism but not flames or attacks. You have been warned ahead of time that this fic may not be for you. I was disgusted by what I saw and I had to find a way to deal with those feelings somehow, this is what came of that.
> 
> Title from the song Brother by NEEDTOBREATHE
> 
> Unbeta'd so all mistakes are my own.

Jared sighs softly, chewing on the corner of his bottom lip as he reads through another group of tweets, so many people complaining about the way the panels ended up going at JIB, saying the most awful, _hurtful_ shit just because Jared ‘crashed’ Jensen and Misha’s panel. Granted there’s a lot of love and support as well but no matter how many positive messages come through all he can focus on is the negative. He’s always been that way. Which is exactly why Jensen has been trying for _years_ to get him to stop using social media. Logically, he knows Jensen is right, it would be so much better for his mental health if he just stopped reading the tweets and the posts but he _can’t_. It’s like some sick form of self abuse. For some unknown reason, if he knows that there are horrible, painful things being said about him, he can’t stop himself from looking, then obsessing. But Jensen is in the shower right now, not at his side to stop him from diving in head first to all the hate.   
  
This time hits him harder than usual. He’s not surprised and he knows why. JIB has been hard on him for the last several years and this year is no exception. He’s honestly grown to hate this convention, has considered dropping out permanently more than a few times. But he doesn’t want to do that to their fans – to their _true_ fans, the ones that care more about the show than their ships or their twisted version of what they think is reality.   
  
As he reads through a few more especially hateful tweets he can’t help but regret the fact that he wasn’t able to do a better job at hiding just how bad he was actually feeling from Jensen. He should’ve known that as soon as he admitted to Jensen just how bad it was that Jensen would insist on hovering as much as he was able, would get the rest of their friends in on it as well, that he would do anything and everything to keep Jared from being alone as much as possible. Jared knows how much Jensen worries about him, knows how much Jared’s health – or lack there of – affects him. And while he loves Jensen for it, for the continued love and support, he hates that he needs it. He wishes, all the time, that he could be better, not only for himself but for Jensen too. Jensen didn’t sign up for this, shouldn’t have to deal with Jared’s issues. Jared’s come a long way in accepting his mental health issues, he really has, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t still hate it. He just wishes that he didn’t feel like such a burden to the people he loves the most.   
  
He jerks, startled, when he feels strong hands gripping his shoulders, glances back to see Jensen standing behind the couch Jared’s sitting on, those intense, glittering green eyes glancing quickly at Jared’s phone then to Jared’s own eyes, his brow furrowed slightly, a frown pulling down his lips. Jared honestly hadn’t heard the shower turn off, hadn’t heard Jensen walk up behind him. He _really_ didn’t want Jensen to catch him torturing himself like this. Again.  
  
“Thought we talked about this, Jay.” Jensen’s voice is deceptively calm but it still makes Jared cringe. Logically, he knows Jensen isn’t mad, at least not at him, but unfortunately logical Jared isn’t exactly running the show right now.   
  
“’m sorry, Jensen,” Jared whispers, his shoulders slumping.  
  
Jensen rounds the couch and sits down next to him, wraps one arm around Jared, pulls him close, presses a kiss to his temple. “’m not mad at you, sweetheart,” Jensen murmurs predictably. Jared turns a bit and cuddles closer against Jensen’s side, tucks his face against Jensen’s neck, his eyes sliding closed. “I just don’t understand why you keep doin’ this to yourself,” he adds softly, one hand sliding into Jared’s hair, palm cradling the back of his head.   
  
“’cause ‘m a dumbass,” Jared mutters.  
  
Jensen’s whole body tenses and he huffs out a gruff, “Jared,” in warning. Jensen has always been extremely protective of Jared, even before their relationship changed, protects Jared even from himself. Hell, there are times that Jared thinks Jensen might even be worse than Dean about some things.  
  
In Jared’s darkest moments, he knows the kindest thing that he could do would be to let Jensen go, believes that the best way to prove that he loves Jensen is to walk away. And he’s tried a time or two. But Jensen is stubborn and Jared is weak so it never ends up happening. Unfortunately this is one of those dark moments. He can feel it building inside him, has been since a few days before they even flew into Rome – just knowing this con is coming up is enough to get his anxiety, depression and self-doubt running wild. He doesn’t _want_ to push Jensen away, God knows he doesn’t, he needs Jensen _so much_ – it’s kind of pathetic, really, just how much he needs him – but he’s too far in now, has let all this get to him too much, the hate and cruel words adding to the fact that he wasn’t feeling well already.  
  
The urge, the _need_ , to flee hits hard and fast. He pulls away from the comfort of Jensen’s embrace and _fuck_ , it hurts, feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest, his lungs constricting, leaving him dizzy and breathless, his legs shaky and weak as he stumbles away from the couch, across the room, toward the door even though he has no fucking _clue_ where he’d even go. They’re still in Rome, aren’t leaving until the next day – heading straight to New York for the Upfronts; he can’t think about that, the pressure is too much, knowing that he needs to be ‘on’ so soon, needs to smile and joke and pretend that he’s not falling apart more and more every Goddamn day…   
  
Strong arms wrap around his waist, Jensen’s broad, firm chest pressing against his back, one hand sliding over Jared’s pounding heart. “Jared, stop it,” Jensen commands, soft but firm. Jared shakes his head, squeezes his eyes closed. He can’t… he just _can’t_. “Breathe, baby. C’mon,” Jensen urges, exaggerating his own breathing, deep inhales, slow exhales, hand still rubbing at his chest, “Just slow down for a few minutes and breathe for me.”  
  
Jared tries, he really does, if for no other reason than because Jensen asked him to. He’d do anything for Jensen. Unfortunately it doesn’t work all that well, he’s still panting unevenly, heart still thundering in his chest, the room spinning dangerously around him. He wants to cry when he feels Jensen move away, even though just a few moments ago he was trying to get away from Jensen, was once again thinking about how much better, happier, Jensen would be without him. He gasps when strong but gentle, familiar hands cup both sides of his face, his eyes snapping open, locking with Jensen’s, those green depths full of love, concern, endless patience and even though Jared knows Jensen tries to hide it, a fair amount of worry.   
  
“Breathe, sweetheart,” Jensen instructs again, once more trying to lead by example. It works a bit better this time. He stares into Jensen’s eyes, mimics each deep breath Jensen takes. “That’s it, darlin’,” Jensen murmurs, thumbs rubbing over Jared’s cheekbones. He takes a step forward, their chests pressed together – Jensen’s chest is bare, he only has on a pair of loose, soft sweats, and his skin is still a little damp from his shower – uses the hold he has on Jared’s face to tilt his head down slightly, brushing a soft, chaste kiss to Jared’s lips. “Okay?” he asks quietly after a few more long moments of just breathing together.  
  
Honestly, no, he’s not okay, things aren’t okay. But he’s worried his poor boyfriend enough. “Yeah,” Jared rasps, flashing Jensen what he hopes is a convincing smile.  
  
“I love you, Jay, but you know damn-well that you can’t lie for shit,” Jensen sighs. He drops his hands from Jared’s cheeks and grabs Jared’s wrist, gently but firmly tugs him forward, leading him back across the room, pushes him back down onto the couch. The notifications on Jared’s phone are still steadily coming in but before Jared can do more than glance at it, Jensen picks it up and turns it off, tosses it back onto the table. Jared frowns, opens his lips to argue – he doesn’t turn his phone off, especially when he’s not in Austin, just in case Gen needs to get a hold of him for some reason – but Jensen holds up one hand, shakes his head. “She’ll call me if she can’t get you and you know that.” Jensen isn’t wrong, it’s happened before, but Jared still isn’t happy about it. “You’re not gonna look at that damn thing for the rest of the night,” Jensen goes on, reaches up and grabs Jared’s chin, turning Jared’s head toward him, their gazes once again locking, “so you can stop pouting about it.”  
  
“’m not pouting,” Jared mutters. He refuses to acknowledge that he is totally pouting and sounds like a spoiled brat at the moment.   
  
Jensen sighs, shakes his head, but doesn’t argue. Instead, he once again wraps his arm around Jared’s shoulders, pulls him against his side. “You wanna talk about it?” he asks softly after a few moments of slightly uncomfortable silence. Jared hates when that happens. They’ve always had the kind of relationship where they didn’t need to fill the silences. They’ve always been happy, been able to just _be,_ without having to force small talk. Jared’s parents have that kind of relationship and he’s always wanted that for himself, knew that Jensen was _the one_ partly because of the fact that silences were never weird or uncomfortable. It hurts that there are times now that that has changed.   
  
“What’s the point?” Jared huffs petulantly.   
  
One of the hardest things for him to get used to in his ongoing treatment was – and still is – learning to talk things out. He’s always buried things, hid behind jokes, forced himself to act happy, instead of letting anyone see what was really going on inside. He never wanted to burden family, friends, partners so he pushed it all down. And every single breakdown he’s had is because of that. And again, logically he knows that he needs to talk to Jensen, knows that Jensen is there for him, that Jensen loves him, won’t love him any less because he’s sick. But logical Jared is _still_ nowhere to be seen right now.   
  
“Jared,” Jensen sighs. Jared doesn’t have to see Jensen’s face to know that he’s frowning, can hear it in the tone of his voice.   
  
Jared once again forces himself to pull away from the comfort of Jensen’s embrace but he doesn’t get up and try to run this time – there’s no sense in it really, not only does he really have nowhere to go but he knows damn-well that Jensen won’t let him. Instead he scoots away from Jensen slightly, turns toward him, brings one leg up on the couch between them.   
  
“I’m serious, what’s the point? We both know what’s wrong, what good would talking about it do?”  
  
“You know by now that it helps,” Jensen replies evenly.   
  
“Maybe just for once I don’t wanna hash things out,” Jared huffs, pushing himself up off the couch, pacing across the room. He’s agitated, still wants to run, as fast and far as possible. There’s a part of him that doesn’t want to pick a fight, doesn’t even understand why he is, but still he finds himself lashing out at Jensen, one of the very few people in the world that he _shouldn’t_ be bitching at. Jensen is a Goddamn saint for putting up with his shit and yet here Jared is, pouting and arguing for no good reason.   
  
“And you also know by now that that _doesn’t_ help,” Jensen points out, tone still calm and even. For as much as Jared loves Jensen – and _God_ , he does, loves Jensen _so much_ – he kind of hates him right now. Or at least he hates that tone. Which is just as fucking ridiculous as everything else he’s feeling. Jensen’s always been the more calm one of the two of them, the one that’s less likely to lash out, less overly emotional.   
  
Jared stops pacing, his back to Jensen, his chest heaving as he pants slightly. His whole body is tense, muscles sore, aching. He thinks a nice hot shower might help to loosen them but he’s too riled up to actually stand still long enough to actually take a damn shower. A nice massage sounds good too but considering he’s currently doing his best to fight with Jensen he doesn’t think that’ll happen either.   
  
He tenses even more – which, _wow_ , he didn’t think was even possible – when Jensen’s hands slide up his back, his fingers curling over Jared’s shoulders. Jared can’t quite bite back a groan when those strong, familiar fingers start to knead at the knotted muscles, his eyes fluttering closed, his head falling forward.   
  
“Okay,” Jensen murmurs, tone lower, softer. It makes Jared’s insides quiver. “You don’t wanna talk? How ‘bout you listen then?” Jared makes a quiet noise in the back of his throat, neither agreeing or disagreeing. “I’m not gonna tell you not to feel the way you do. You know I’d never do that, would never negate your feelings like that. But I will tell you that whatever people are saying isn’t true…”  
  
“They’re pissed ‘cause I crashed your panel with Misha,” Jared mumbles. Jensen’s hands on him, working out the knots in his sore, tense muscles are like freaking magic. He’s still upset – his hands aren’t _that_ good, but they are close – and he still feels like lashing out in anger and frustration but it just feels too damn good to bother.   
  
“I pretty much knew that without havin’ to see any of it,” Jensen huffs. He steps closer, hands moving down Jared’s back, rubbing and kneading the tight muscles there as well. Jared barely resists the urge to whimper. Jensen doesn’t play fair. “It’s their stupid shit, Jay. You can’t let it get to you. Hell, it really isn’t even _about_ you. It could’a been Rich or Robbie, Ruth or Briana and they’d still bitch ‘cause they didn’t get what they wanted.” Those wonderful, terrible hands move down, fingers curling around Jared’s hips, Jensen’s chest pressing against his back again, lips brushing Jared’s ear when he goes on, “I don’t give a single fuck about what a few entitled little bitches think or feel. What matters, what will _always_ matter, is you.” He kisses Jared’s neck, nuzzles beneath his ear, his arms sliding around Jared’s waist. “Most of our fans, our _true_ fans, understand. They support us, they support _you_. And they’re the majority. It may not seem like it, especially right now. But just because they’re the loudest doesn’t mean that they’re the most.”   
  
Jared leans back against Jensen, tilts his head back to rest on his strong, broad shoulder. “’m sorry, Jack,” he whispers.  
  
“You got no reason to apologize, sweetheart,” Jensen murmurs, kissing his way down Jared’s neck to the crook of his shoulder.   
  
“I’ve been takin’ things out on you that aren’t your fault,” Jared counters. He sighs, reopens his eyes, his throat tightening when he adds, “I don’t deserve you.”  
  
“How many times have I told you that that simply isn’t true?” Jensen asks. It’s a rhetorical question, they both know it’s been quite a few times. “I love you, Jared,” he adds, squeezing his arms around Jared’s waist, his hand once again sliding up Jared’s chest, pressing against his heart.   
  
Jared closes his stinging eyes again, melts the rest of the way into Jensen’s embrace, all the fight draining out of him. He’s still hurt, still doesn’t understand how people can be so damn cruel, and despite Jensen’s assurance, he knows that it’s _him_ that that particular subset of their fans have a problem with. When he’s not feeling so bad about it he actually kind of finds it hilarious. How delusional are these people, really? How can they look at Jensen and Misha – or Dean and Cas – and see more than friendship? How can they really think that there’s some great love story going on there? And of course there’s the _slightly_ petty, bitter part of Jared that would _love_ to see their faces if they ever found out the _real_ truth. Sometimes he thinks it’d be worth coming out just for the satisfaction of their reactions alone.  
  
One of Jared’s biggest problems, part of the reason he obsesses over stupid shit online, is that he can’t stand it when he knows that someone doesn’t like him. He’s always done his best to be a nice, likable person, friendly to everyone, but when someone outright hates him like this, it gets to him. He wants to know _why_. What did he do? What could he have done differently? In this case, he knows it’s over the stupid shipping war in their fandom and that there will always be that certain group that hates him simply because they want more Jensen/Misha and Dean/Cas and they think he gets in the way of that. Knowing all that doesn’t make it hurt any less though.   
  
“I love you, too,” Jared whispers back.  
  
“Why don’t we get some rest?” Jensen half-asks, gently nudging Jared toward the bed.  
  
Jared lets Jensen lead him, lets Jensen undress him and settle him down on the mattress, knows there’s no sense in resisting. Jensen has a tendency to get a bit mother hen-like when Jared gets like this and Jared learned early on not to fight it. A part of him actually kind of loves Jensen taking care of him, loves when Jensen babies him, even though he feels like he shouldn’t love it so much. He’s a grown-ass man – damn-near thirty-six years old – he really shouldn’t enjoy his boyfriend hovering and mother henning him so much.  
  
Once Jensen turns off the lights he crawls into bed with Jared and Jared automatically cuddles up against his side, one arm and leg thrown over Jensen. There’s just enough moonlight coming in through the thin curtains to see Jensen smile fondly as he slides his arm around Jared’s shoulders. They’re pressed together as close as possible, both in just their boxer briefs, bare skin against bare skin everywhere else and even though Jared is still a little upset, still a little too lost in his own head, he _wants_. When he has these little mini breakdowns he always ends up feeling so disconnected from Jensen afterward. And the best way he’s found to reconnect is sex. It’s not avoidance, not in the slightest, and it took a while for him to convince Jensen of that. It’s just that Jared has always been a very tactile, very physical, person and after dealing with his inner demons, he needs to touch, to be touched, needs to _feel_ , needs the intimacy and closeness.  
  
He wiggles impossibly closer, turns his head and presses a kiss to Jensen’s chest, nips at his collarbone, nuzzles under his jaw. Jensen slides his hand into Jared’s hair, fingers curling into a loose fist, tugging just barely on the messy strands. Jared moans softly, kisses his way up Jensen’s throat, over his chin, blindly searching out his lips. Jensen turns his head toward him, their lips sliding together, slow and sweet. For a few long moments Jared keeps the kiss chaste, enjoys the simple pleasure of their lips pressed together, the gentle pulse of arousal coursing through him.   
  
But then Jensen reaches down, free hand gripping Jared’s leg, tugs him just that little bit closer. He can feel the half-hard length of Jensen’s cock against the inside of his thigh, his own trapped cock twitching against Jensen’s hip and he moans, pushes to deepen the kiss. Jensen complies easily, lips parting, their tongues sliding together. Jared doesn’t fight when Jensen takes control, submits happily. Jensen’s hand slips up the back of Jared’s leg, over the curve of his ass and Jared rocks his hips forward, another moan rumbling in his chest. There’s a part of him that wants to crawl into Jensen’s lap, sink down on his cock with no prep, ride him hard and fast but then there’s the part of him – the part that ends up winning out – that wants to take his time, wants to draw this out as long as possible, wants to kiss and tease until neither of them can take it anymore.   
  
Jared lets himself get lost in Jensen, the feel of their lips and tongues moving together, the press of heated, sweat-slick skin against skin, firm muscles flexing as they shift closer, hands sliding over familiar flesh. He doesn’t try to keep track of time, of anything, aside from Jensen, the love, the need between them. By the time Jensen ends the kiss, his lips moving down, teeth scraping the hinge of Jared’s jaw, kissing and licking at his thundering pulse, Jared’s lips are numb and tingly, his cock hard, already leaking, his whole body trembling slightly with want, with anticipation.  
  
Jensen kisses his way back up to Jared’s ear, nuzzles beneath it, fingers flexing in his hair, other hand kneading one cheek of his ass. “What’d’ya want, baby?” Jensen murmurs, warm, moist breath against his ear making Jared shiver, the low, deep, whiskey-rough tone of his voice making his cock twitch.  
  
Honestly, after all these years, Jared kind of thinks that Jensen shouldn’t really even need to ask anymore. They have a certain dynamic that they both thoroughly enjoy and Jared thinks it’s more than obvious that isn’t going to change any time soon – it hasn’t in twelve years. But Jensen being Jensen, he’ll more than likely _always_ ask.  
  
“Fuck me,” Jared breathes without hesitation, like always. “Wanna… Need to feel you inside me.” He pulls his head back just enough to look down at Jensen, glad there’s enough light that he can see Jensen. He slides his hand down Jensen’s chest, boldly palms the hard, thick, fucking _perfect_ bulge of Jensen’s cock, his thumb teasing over the tip through the damp cotton of Jensen’s boxer briefs. “Please, babe,” he adds, soft and breathy, knows damn-well what it does to Jensen to hear him beg like that, isn’t above using that knowledge to his advantage.   
  
Predictably, Jensen growls low in his throat, surges forward and flips Jared onto his back, slams their lips together in a nearly brutal, quick and dirty kiss. He nips at Jared’s bottom lip before he pulls away, dark, heated stormy-green eyes locking on Jared’s as he pushes his way between Jared’s thighs – not that he has to try all that hard, Jared spreads his legs easily – hips rolling, their straining lengths rubbing together, separated by two thin layers of cotton. Jared wraps his arms around Jensen, fingers digging into the flexing muscles of his back, moaning as he rocks his own hips up, the sweet drag of friction almost _too_ good – honestly though, _everything_ with Jensen is almost too good, even just a bit of dry humping is better than the best sex he ever had with anyone else.   
  
Jensen’s still got a hand in his hair, fingers pulling on the strands, the pinpricks of pleasured pain making Jared mewl, his neck arching, head pressing back into the pillow. Jensen kisses his way down Jared’s throat, bites Jared’s pulse, the curve of his shoulder – hard enough to feel, to make Jared whimper, but not hard enough to leave marks; they’re not free from work obligations yet so they both have to be mindful about leaving bruises but _fuck_ , as soon as they’re back home Jared plans to _beg_ for Jensen to mark him up.  
  
Jared slides his hands down Jensen’s back, grips his perfect ass, fingers digging into the flexing muscles. “Jack, please,” he moans. All this has been good, great even, but he’s ready to move on to more; at the very least wants to strip off their underwear.  
  
Jensen pulls away from his attack on Jared’s neck, their gazes catching for a moment before Jensen dips down and gives him another quick but heated kiss. Jared drops his arms, lets Jensen pull away from him – even though it was his idea and he definitely wants to move things along, he can’t help but pout at the loss of contact, his nose wrinkling. Jensen smiles fondly, leans down and brushes a kiss to the tip of Jared’s nose – which just makes him scrunch it up even more – then sits back on his heels between Jared’s legs, fingers curling over the waist of Jared’s underwear. He lifts his hips, groaning when his cock springs free, slapping wetly against his abs – even the soft, thin material was too restrictive on his straining length.   
  
He licks his lips, biting down on the bottom one as he watches Jensen wiggle out of his own boxer briefs, his gaze dropping to the long, thick length of his cock – no matter how long they’ve been together, how many times he’s seen Jensen naked, it’s always thrilling, always makes his blood pump a little faster through his veins. Jensen curls his fingers around the base, loosely strokes himself a few times, knowing damn-well that Jared’s staring at him, knows what the sight does to him. Jared mewls, his own cock twitching, smearing a fresh pulse of pre-come across his abs.  
  
Jensen lets go of himself, leans down, licks a thick, wet stripe up the underside of Jared’s cock, swirls his tongue around the tip. “Fuck,” Jared breathes, legs spreading wider, his back arching slightly. He reaches up, grabs the headboard, eyes squeezing closed when Jensen slips his lips over his cock-head, swallows him down as far as possible. “ _Jensen_.”   
  
Jensen spends a few long minutes seemingly trying to suck Jared’s brain out through his cock – he’s damn-near successful – Jared moaning and writhing beneath him. Then he pulls away, dips down further, mouths wetly at Jared’s balls, licks down the sensitive skin behind his sac, hands slipping under his ass, pulling his cheeks apart, tip of his tongue swirling around Jared’s hole. “Fuck,” Jared repeats, tries to spread his legs wider, whining in frustration when he can’t. A sudden urge courses through Jared and he lets go of the headboard, reaches down, fingers brushing against Jensen’s temple. “Wait, babe,” he rasps.   
  
Jensen stops immediately, pulls away, hands curling around Jared’s hips, both eyebrows raised. “What’s wrong?”   
  
Jared sits up, wraps his arms around Jensen, presses a kiss to his chest, right over his heart. “Nothin’,” he replies softly. “Promise,” he adds before Jensen can ask, flashing him a smile.   
  
Jensen reaches up, both hands sinking into Jared’s hair, uses the hold to tip his head back as he dips down, kissing him slow, sweet and thorough. They’re both breathing a bit harder when Jensen pulls away, gently knocks their foreheads together. “Why’d you stop me?” Jensen asks softly, nuzzling their noses together.  
  
Jared’s cheeks flush hot and he closes his eyes. Even after twelve years together, after all they’ve been through, all they’ve done together – Jensen has seen him at his best and at his absolute worst, loves him no matter what – there are still times when Jared has trouble voicing what he wants. He’s never really been all that good at dirty talk – the one thing in the world he _can’t_ run off at the mouth about – doesn’t really like to do it – always worried about sounding stupid or like a bad porno – even though he freaking _loves_ to hear Jensen talk, the deep, whiskey-rough yet silky-smooth tone makes him tremble.  
  
And because Jensen knows him that damn well, he pulls Jared against his chest, lets Jared bury his face against his neck. “Whatever it is, you know you can tell me,” Jensen murmurs.  
  
Jared knows that. Part of his problem, aside from just being uncomfortable, is that what he wants, they almost never do and he kind of doesn’t know _how_ to ask for it, how to even put it without sounding like an idiot. Honestly, he isn’t even really sure where the urge came from in the first place.   
  
He sighs softly and wiggles impossibly closer, tilts his head up, nuzzles under Jensen’s jaw. “Wanna suck you,” he whispers, barely able to even hear himself.  
  
“Okay,” Jensen replies quietly, his hands sliding down Jared’s back, rubbing at his suddenly tense muscles. Jared can hear the confusion in his tone.  
  
“At the same time,” he adds, still barely above a whisper. He just hopes like hell Jensen gets what he means and doesn’t make him spell it out any more.  
  
For a few long seconds – which feel like a small eternity – Jensen is quiet, his hands stilling. Just when Jared is about to take it back and go hide in the bathroom, Jensen groans softly. He grabs Jared’s hair again, fingers curled into fists, pulls his head back – the slight pain making Jared moan – and crashes their lips together hard enough to hurt a little – Jared’s kind of surprised there isn’t blood – kissing him wet and dirty. “Fuck, baby,” he half-growls against Jared’s lips, bites the bottom one. He pulls back just as quick and Jared blinks up at him slowly, honestly a little shocked at the heat in those stormy-green depths. “Switch me spots,” he rasps, tone lower, deeper. Jared shivers, his cock twitching.  
  
Jared nods absently, still kind of thrown by Jensen’s reaction. Maybe they should do this more often if this is the response he’s going to get.   
  
Jensen moves to the side, nudges Jared’s hip. “C’mon, sweetheart,” he urges.  
  
Jared nods again and moves over so that he’s kneeling at Jensen’s side. Jensen reaches up and grabs the back of his neck, gives him another quick kiss that leaves him breathless then lays down, once more loosely stroking his cock. “Bring that sweet ass up here, Jay.”  
  
Jared’s cheeks heat even more but he turns around, carefully throws a leg over Jensen, straddling his shoulders, Jensen’s free hand on his hip helping to guide him into position. Once he’s settled, he leans down, replacing Jensen’s hand with his own, both Jensen’s hands now palming his ass. Instead of pulling him back more to get to his cock, Jensen spreads his cheeks open, licks along the cleft of his ass once, twice, then swirls his tongue around Jared’s hole. Jared cries out, his head falling forward, his forehead pressed to Jensen’s thigh. Strong, thick fingers knead the muscles as he spreads Jared open just a bit more, pushing closer, thumbs on either side of his rim pulling a little – the slight burning stretch makes Jared moan again, his hips trembling, his cock smearing pre-come across Jensen’s chest – as he increases the pressure of his tongue, licking at the tight furl of his hole.  
  
Jensen groans – the sound vibrates through Jared’s whole body, makes him whimper – and his cock jerks in Jared’s hold, reminding Jared of his part of this. He lifts his head, swirls his tongue around the tip, moaning softly at the sweet-salty taste of Jensen’s pre-come, tip of his tongue dipping into the slit, chasing the flavor. He can feel his hole relaxing, the muscle loosening, Jensen’s tongue slipping just barely inside and Jared moans again, slips his lips over the tip of Jensen’s cock, swallows him down until he hits the back of Jared’s throat.  
  
Jensen groans again, barely pulls away enough to rasp, “Fuck, Jay, just like that, baby,” the words smearing against Jared’s skin. Jared spreads his legs a little wider, tilts his hips down then focuses as best as he can on what he’s doing.   
  
It’s kind of difficult to keep bobbing his head, to make sure he’s actually keeping up with his end of the deal. Which is probably the reason they don’t do this that often he realizes. He honestly never really thought it took that much brain power to suck a cock but he keeps having to remind himself to move instead of just laying there and enjoying the overwhelming pleasure of Jensen eating him out.  
  
It gets even more difficult when Jensen slips two fingers inside him next to his tongue, tips rubbing over his prostate, thorough working him open. He pulls away from Jensen’s cock for a few moments, does his best to get his head back in the game.  
  
Jensen is using every trick he’s ever learned, quickly reducing Jared to a trembling pile of goo. But Jared knows every button Jensen has as well. As much as Jared loves getting fucked, sucking Jensen’s cock is a very close second and he knows he’s damn good at it. Jared was born without a gag reflex, a fact that Jensen thoroughly enjoys and a trick that Jared uses to his advantage whenever possible. He closes his eyes and takes Jensen’s cock back into his mouth, relaxes his throat as he sinks all the way down. The position is a little awkward and one that he’s not used to but after a few bobs of his head he gets the hang of it, takes Jensen a little deeper each time. Hands braced on the mattress, he swallows Jensen down again, his cock slipping into his throat, holds him there for a few long moments. Jensen groans harshly, fingers digging into the muscles of Jared’s ass. “Jesus _fuck_ ,” he grits out. Jared moans around the stiff length when Jensen turns his head and bites down – hard – on his ass cheek. “Shit, Jared… So fuckin’ good, baby.”  
  
Jared pulls back, hollows his cheeks, teases the bundle of nerves below the ridge, licking away the fresh pre-come oozing from the slit. He mewls when Jensen goes right back to working him open, three fingers inside him now, tongue still swirling around his rim, dipping inside. He swallows Jensen down again, holds him there, then makes himself gag, reflexive tears leaking down his cheeks.   
  
“Fuck,” Jensen gasps, pulling away from him again, fingers still buried deep. “Jay…” Jared pulls up then drops right back down again, Jensen slipping back into his throat, Jared once again making himself choke. “Oh God… Fuck, baby.”   
  
Jared repeats the same move twice more, warmth pooling in his stomach at Jensen’s response, the way he can feel Jensen trembling beneath him. He’s not at all prepared though when he takes Jensen in deep again, gasping and choking at the sharp slap to his ass. Jensen has never done that before and Jared suddenly doesn’t understand why, wants more, harder.  
  
“Jay…”  
  
“Again,” Jared half-commands, half-begs. Jensen hesitates so Jared swallows him down again, chokes and gags around him. The second strike of Jensen’s hand makes him moan again. He pulls away from Jensen’s cock, curls one hand around him, strokes him hard and fast, just the way Jensen likes it. “Again,” Jared repeats, voice strained, raspy, throat a little raw from choking on Jensen’s huge cock.  
  
Jensen swats him a few more times, fingers of his other hand still thrusting into him, wrist twisting, rubbing perfectly over his sweet spot. The fifth or six slap connects with his stinging, blood-warm skin at the same time Jensen’s fingers push in deep, hitting that perfect spot and Jared’s orgasm hits him out of the blue, completely without warning. He cries out, nearly sobbing, whole body trembling as he comes untouched – another neat little trick that Jared’s capable of, although this one he had to practice to be able to do it; Jensen thoroughly enjoys that almost as much as Jared being able to deep-throat – release streaking Jensen’s chest.  
  
He collapses against Jensen, panting. Jensen lets him be for a few long moments then gently tips him to the side, settles him on his back again. Jared blinks slowly up at his boyfriend, mewling softly, happily, when Jensen dips down and kisses him, slow and sweet. He can taste himself on Jensen’s lips and tongue, the dark, musky taste sending a dirty little thrill down his spine. He wiggles a bit, pulling away from the kiss with a breathless gasp when his spanked-warm ass drags against the sheet beneath him, his spent cock jerking weakly against his hip at the pleasantly surprising pleasured-pain.  
  
“Y’okay?” Jensen rasps, reaches up and pushes the sweat-damp hair out of Jared’s eyes, his fingers sliding down the side of Jared’s face.  
  
Jared’s leans into the touch, his eyes fluttering closed for a moment, a sated smile curling up his lips. “Mmhmm,” he hums.  
  
“You… I… uh, I didn’t…” Jared reopens his eyes, brow furrowed as he looks up at Jensen, surprised by the flush across his cheeks and the abnormal stammering. Jensen is usually the more confident of the two of them and to see him, to hear him, so unsure is a bit disconcerting.   
  
“Jack?” Jared whispers. Jensen rubs his free hand down his face, around the back of his neck, one of his few tell-tale signs. “You’re kinda freakin’ me out, babe.” Jared tries for joking, misses by a mile.  
  
Jensen cups his cheek, leans in to brush an achingly sweet, chaste kiss to his lips. “I didn’t go too far, didn’t hurt you, did I?” Jensen asks softly.  
  
Relief floods through Jared and he smiles, shakes his head. “No, not at all,” he answers honestly. And because Jensen still looks a little freaked out, he adds, “I, uh, it felt good. _Really_ good.” He gestures at the drying remnants of his release streaked across Jensen’s chest, his cheeks heating once again. “I liked it,” he adds, soft and breathy. Just thinking about it, talking about it, has his cock twitching again, well on the way to refilling.  
  
“Yeah?” Jensen half-asks, eyes glittering, a small smile curling up his lips as well.   
  
“Oh yeah,” Jared replies. “And I… I wouldn’t be opposed to a repeat.” His cheeks are so hot it kind of hurts a little but it’s worth it for the smile, the darkening gaze, he gets in response.  
  
“Okay, duly noted,” Jensen murmurs. He settles down against Jared’s side, runs a hand across Jared’s stomach, up his chest, leans in to press a kiss to Jared’s shoulder. “You wanna keep goin’?” he asks after a few moments of thankfully once again easy silence between them.  
  
“You even gotta ask?” Jared turns toward Jensen, leaving them on their sides, face to face. Jared wraps his leg around Jensen, wiggles closer, kisses him, once, twice, pulls back to look into his eyes.  
  
“Just wanted to make sure, sweetheart.”  
  
“I’m definitely sure. Want you inside me.”  
  
Jensen nods and gently untangles himself from Jared, pushes himself up off the bed and crosses the room to his bag, digging through it for a few moments then turns back toward the bed, stopping in his tracks, his eyes softening as he looks at Jared. He’d turned over in order to watch Jensen, unwilling to miss any opportunity to ogle his naked boyfriend. Jared isn’t sure what Jensen sees when he looks at Jared, what makes him stop for a few seconds, but he’s just about to try to cover himself, feeling oddly shy for some reason under that stormy-green gaze. Before he can though, Jensen is back across the room in a heartbeat, crawling back onto the bed, dropping the bottle of lube next to Jared’s hip then leans down, gives Jared a breathtaking, soul-shaking kiss. “You’re so beautiful. I love you so Goddamn much,” Jensen murmurs when he pulls back, both hands cupping Jared’s still blood-warm cheeks.  
  
In the early days of their relationship, Jared would argue when Jensen called him beautiful, would point out that _Jensen_ is the beautiful one. They’d go round and round until one of them just stopped – usually Jared; he hates even minor, petty, at times stupid, bickering. Now Jared just glosses over it, hums softly and replies, “I love you, too.” Jared reaches down and grabs the bottle, presses it against Jensen’s chest. “Now, Jack, I’m ready. Need you.”  
  
Jensen slicks his fingers, pushes all three back into Jared, makes sure to get him as wet as possible then slicks his cock, groaning softly at his own touch. Once he’s done he sets the bottle on the night stand then settles between Jared’s legs, their gazes locking as Jensen lines up and sinks into Jared slow but steady, not stopping until he’s buried to the hilt. Jared lets out a soft moan, wraps his arms around Jensen’s shoulders, clinging to him as Jensen starts to move. Jensen slips his arms beneath Jared, holds him close against his chest, neither of them looking away as they fall into a familiar rhythm.   
  
Jared has no idea how long they move together and he honestly doesn’t care. They’re both drenched in sweat and Jared’s once again hard, his cock trapped between their stomachs, the friction enough to keep him teetering on the edge pretty much the whole time. They’re both quiet the whole time aside from the occasional moan, the silence somehow just enhancing the pleasure. In the end they come at nearly the same time, Jensen shoving a hand between them – even though Jared honestly didn’t need it – jerking him off as Jensen pushes in deep, both of them groaning, panting, clinging to each other through the pleasure of their release and the shivery aftershocks.  
  
Jensen grabs his boxer briefs and wipes them off as best as he can then collapses onto the mattress at Jared’s side. Jared uses what little strength and energy he has left to roll over and press against Jensen even though his entire body still feels overheated. Jensen turns his head, presses a kiss to Jared’s temple. “You okay?” he asks softly.  
  
“I’m gettin’ there,” Jared replies honestly. He knows from past experience that it’ll take a bit of time to fully get over this latest incident but he also knows that he _will_ get over it with the love and support of the man holding him.

 


End file.
